Deb
Proverbs 14:12
There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death. (NKJ)
There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death. (NLT)
There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death. (NIV)
There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death. (ESV)
No matter what version of the Bible I use, the message is the same. There is a way that seems right, but it leads to death. As a freshman in college facing an unintended pregnancy, abortion seemed like the right thing to do. Abortion seemed like the reasonable path for me to take. Actually, it seemed like the only thing to do. After all, I had my whole life in front of me. I wasn’t ready for marriage or a baby. My pregnancy was a mistake and abortion would fix it. And so I did what was right in my own eyes and aborted my child. When I found out I was pregnant the people at the agency gave me information on an abortion clinic in my hometown. Less than a week later I was in the clinic aborting my child. I put that experience behind me and went on with my life. I kept the secret of my abortion buried deeply inside of me and never spoke of it to anyone.
When I was baptized into the Christian faith on November 19, 2006, the main sin I felt washed clean of was my abortion. I received God’s forgiveness. The Word of God began to change my heart. God was preparing me for something. By January of 2008, I knew that God wanted me to deal with my abortion. I knew that I was forgiven, but I also knew that I was not healed. At this point my abortion was a 33 year old secret. The enemy had a grip on my heart that could only be broken through the healing power of Christ.
I came across a Bible study called: “Surrendering the Secret – Healing from the Heartbreak of Abortion.” Using the Word of God, Surrendering the Secret walked me through an incredible healing journey. The eight part study walked me through my past abortion, the truth about abortion, my anger, my need to forgive and my need for forgiveness, my identity in Christ, grief for my aborted child, and my mission for Christ. I began this journey with the horrible secret of my abortion and I ended the journey in victory.
Looking back I was able to see how my abortion affected every area of my life. I was bulimic for so many years after my abortion. I was able to see how my depression and suicidal thoughts were connected to that act of taking my child's life. Something about disconnecting myself from the life inside of me resulted in a lifetime of feeling disconnected.
So many women have had abortions. Some of us are Christians or later became Christians. Many women never reach for healing because of the shame and secrecy surrounding abortion. Many of us prefer to keep our abortion in the past where we think it can’t hurt us or our spouse or our children. Many women suffer in silence from abortion. Fear of the secret getting out keeps us in bondage. Many women feel like they deserve to feel the shame of a past abortion. But I want to tell you about God’s immeasurable grace and unfailing love. I want you to know that Jesus has more than forgiveness for us. Jesus has healing – complete healing – and freedom from the power of the secret. And that is why I am silent no more!