Testimonies

It is hard to see God’s will for us in the “busy-ness” of our daily lives. It is with great humility that I share my story with you, and it is my hope that God will reach out and touch your heart—in some way today, to reveal His unconditional love and mercy for each one of you. It is also my hope that you are able to see more clearly how God really cares about each and EVERY detail of our lives.

St. Paul wrote, “To them that love God, all things work together unto good.” (Rom. 8:28).

I am 49 years old.  My husband Jeff and I met in college and have been married for 26 years.  We have seven beautiful children.

My husband and I were both raised Catholic.  We both attended Catholic grade school and college.  I graduated in 1984 with a bachelor’s degree in Nursing.

Before we married, Jeff and I attended a Pre-Cana Weekend.  This provided an excellent opportunity for us to probe important issues about our expectations of marriage.

The church’s stance on contraception was probably mentioned, but not expanded upon.  We had no model of Natural Family Planning (NFP) to emulate. In looking back, this was the perfect opportunity for the church to witness about the beauty of Catholic teaching on sexuality and marriage.

Jeff and I were married in October of 1984 in the Catholic Church.  Looking back, I guess I would have been considered a “Cafeteria Catholic”.  (I would pick and choose which teachings of the church I would follow.)  I attended mass infrequently.  I did not use contraceptives.  We abstained during fertile times of my cycle.

In November of 1986, our first child, Sarah, was born.  My pregnancy and delivery were uneventful, except for morning sickness—which lasted all day for me for the first 4 months of this pregnancy…and every subsequent pregnancy.  Sarah was followed by Dan in 1989, Jeff in 1991, and Rachel and Jenny (identical twins) in 1993.  (At that time, we had five beautiful children, 6-1/2 years and under.)

After our twin daughters were born, and while in the hospital, I decided to have a tubal ligation. I rationalized that I had “enough” children. (I had been thinking about this during my pregnancy. No one whom I had spoken to about this had ever told me NOT to do it.  Most people were sympathetic to my reasoning—she has 5 children, she’s working, how will you be able to give each child enough attention, etc.).

I never took the time to learn the church’s teaching on this.  I just figured God would understand.  I made my decision to have the tubal ligation on selfishness and fear - not Faith.

Jeff was supportive of my decision, but not completely comfortable with it.  I thought it would make the most sense to have the tubal ligation done while I was in the hospital.  In May of 1993, at age 31, my tubal ligation was done.  (A tubal ligation is a surgical operation performed to make a woman infertile.)    I had made my beautiful body artificially sterile…unable to bring another life into the world.

Following the procedure, I remember feeling very sore and tender around my lower abdomen where the surgery was performed. I had never felt this uncomfortable after any of my deliveries. It took a couple of weeks before the soreness subsided.

For years after the tubal ligation, I never gave much thought about what I had done to my body.  I remember feeling relieved that I would not have to worry about any more pregnancies.  I actually remember skipping home from the neighbor’s house after giving her ALL of my maternity clothes!

During the summer of 1997 (4 years after my tubal ligation) my family and I were “Up North” ...  If you have ever been “Up North” you know how beautiful and peaceful this area is.  (It is also known as “God’s Country”.)  I remember sitting alone out by the lake watching all the children play.  Another family who vacationed with us during the same stay had seven children.  I was watching the older ones play with the little ones when a sad, sinking feeling came over me…I can’t have any more children!  I had never really thought about that and the magnitude of what I had done to myself.  Looking back, I now know it was the Holy Spirit sending His grace to me to enlighten my mind and heart to what I had done. It was in the quiet of the silence that I heard Him speak, and felt His presence.

I remember talking to my husband as he sat outside our cabin.  I shared my sadness with him.  He encouraged me to go and see my doctor when we got home to ask if it was possible to get my tubal ligation reversed…he gave me hope.

This marked the beginning of my journey back to the Catholic church, in the respect that I really wanted to learn the truth about the church’s teaching on sexuality, birth control, and sterilization.

When we returned home from our vacation, I went to visit my doctor (not the doctor who had done the tubal), to inquire about the possibility of having a reversal.  I remember crying as I spoke to her.  She was very kind.  She explained how the reversal procedure is a more specialized surgery and that not many physicians are trained to perform it. She proceeded to call an OB/GYN to ask about the possibility of a reversal.  He told her that reversals were expensive, costing-on average, between $12,000 and $18,000, and NOT covered by insurance.  Note:  (Tubal Ligations ARE covered by insurance.)  He also said, most tubals are permanent, but there is a chance-depending on the type of procedure - that it could be reversed.  I couldn’t believe it! I had never taken the time to understand what a tubal ligation involved, or if it could be reversed.  I didn’t even know what type of tubal ligation my doctor had performed on me. I was horrified.  How could I have been so irresponsible?

I did not know my Faith well enough to be able to discern what God wanted me to do….I did not know what to do, or whom to talk to…I was feeling alone and helpless..

A few days later, I pulled out our family bible and started to look through it.  I came across a large, colorful picture of Blessed Mother.  She was so beautiful.  Subsequently, I was led to the Miraculous Medal.  My mother had given me many holy medals that belonged to my grandfather.  I ran to my jewelry box in the hope of finding one.  I did!  I began to wear it faithfully. (The Miraculous Medal of Our Lady is a symbol of Mary’s love. Our Blessed Mother bestows blessings and graces upon those who wear her medal).  I was being led to Mary. He who shall find Mary, shall find life (Proverbs 8:35), that is Jesus Christ, who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. (Jn 14:6).

I began to pray the rosary more frequently.  As I recited the Hail Mary, three words jumped out at me. These three words, suddenly, for the first time, took on a different meaning.  These three words were…MOTHER OF GOD.  (Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.)  I began to weep.  Surely, the Mother of God can help me.

During the next several years, the Lord sent many people into my life to help support and guide me towards His will.  This whole process took about six years.  If He is calling you to do something, He will provide what you need as long as you TRUST IN HIM. (A special thank you to my dear friend, Robin and to my sister-in-law, Lee Ann for all of your prayers and support throughout my journey. You were lights in the darkness that gave me hope.)

Feeling a strong desire to continue to look into the reversal process, I sent for my operative reports from my tubal ligation surgery, to see if my procedure was reversible. I then made an appointment with an OB/GYN physician that one of my friends from Bible Study had referred me to.  My friend used to be his nurse and felt he would be a good doctor for me to talk to.  She knew how sad and remorseful I was and shared a scripture with me…”Trust in the Lord with all your heart, with your own intelligence rely not.  In all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6).  This scripture would be a constant theme throughout my faith journey.

Upon meeting the doctor my friend referred me to, my husband and I learned that my tubal ligation was reversible!  He told us that my type of tubal was called a Modified Pomeroy Tubal Ligation.  I remember crying with relief and joy to this good news. The only down-side was the cost of the surgery.  Because insurance did not cover the cost, the hospital and the doctor wanted most of the fee in-advance.  They could not give us an exact price, but said we could expect to pay between $15,000 to $20,000.  How were we going to do this?

I was already working part-time as a nurse, I thought maybe I could increase my hours to help pay for the surgery.  After much discussion, we scheduled the reversal for August of 1998.  As the date of the surgery got closer, the hospital and doctor’s office were both calling for their down payments toward the surgery.  The night before the surgery, I decided to cancel it.  Something didn’t feel right, especially not knowing the total amount.  How could I do this to my husband …to increase the financial burden that he already shouldered for our family?  Was this God’s will or mine?  I needed to talk with someone to help clarify what I should do.

In the summer of 1998, I talked with our friend, Fr. Greg.  First, he instructed me to go to sacramental confession and to ask God’s forgiveness. I had not done this yet.  I was so ashamed. According to the Catholic faith, direct sterilization is a grave matter.  It is a mortal sin.  The three elements of mortal sin are grave matter, full knowledge, and full consent. Mortal sin keeps us from the sanctifying grace of God.  Sterilization is a sin of mutilation.  It is a violation of the fifth commandment because it is the intentional destruction of a healthy organ, a woman’s fallopian tubes. The most sacred parts of a woman’s body are those that can bring life into the world.  Today, contraception is an acceptable form of birth control in many Christian faiths.  However, before the 1930s, every major Christian religion considered contraception of any type to be immoral - totally incompatible with God’s eternal law. 

Father also told me that God’s Will is expressed in the desire He places in our hearts to do good.  It is something we discover in our prayers and in the circumstances in our lives.  So keep praying, discussing and noticing God’s movement in your life, and you will discover His will. Then, pray for the courage to do it! 

I did go to confession, and cried all the way through.  God had forgiven me, but I still could not find peace within myself.  I had a difficult time forgiving myself – why? (God may not be calling everyone to have a reversal, but this was the journey that God wanted for me).

The desire to do the reversal was still strong, but where do I go?  I kept thinking money should not be an obstacle to doing God’s will.  My prayer to God was, “If this is your will, please lead me to the help that I need, or give me peace.” This scripture came to my heart: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be open to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” (Matt 7:7-8)

But, being a busy mom of five children and working part-time, life was very busy.  Time goes by just doing your daily duties, and I do believe that when you are trying to discern God’s will, the devil can try to confuse you with what God wants you to do.

My father died suddenly and tragically in March of 1998.  I was so stricken with grief that I thought maybe God did not want me to have the reversal…but that was not so.  It was just life happening as life does, and I had to take time to grieve.  But God does not leave you abandoned.  During this time, I was led to Richard J. Cusack, Sr. through his Monstrance Card. He had started an apostolate, “For Those Who Hurt”, where he helps others who are suffering by praying for them, and encouraging them to pray to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament.  He encouraged me to pray in front of the Blessed Sacrament – to bring my sadness to Jesus and let Him guide me.  Jesus proceeded to guide me to help start a ministry at our church that offered hope and support for those suffering a loss.  The Ministry of HOPE was started.  (I thank Richard for his prayers, and leading me to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament.  Thank you for saying “Yes” to Jesus and helping me to know, love and serve him better in my life.)

I continued to pray about my reversal.  I started visiting Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament every Tuesday, asking for His guidance. 

I remember making calls to various Christian/Catholic organizations to see if they could help me. I even called the Archdiocese for guidance, but they did not know how to help me.  I had asked if there was help financially for someone who wanted to have a reversal after a tubal ligation.  I explained to them about the incredible cost of the reversal surgery.  Could they help pay for some of the costs?  Surely, the church could help me?   However, there seemed to be no one in the Church who could help women in regards to wanting a reversal.  I couldn’t believe it.  I thought if there were doctors who sterilized women, there had to be doctors who the Church could refer women to for reversals.

 My prayer began to change.  “Lord, please lead me to people who can lead me to you.”  Also, my desire for the reversal was more now to make complete reparation for my sin of sterilization and to make my body whole again for God.  It was not just about having more children…

During this time, another friend from a bible study at my church gave me a copy of Humanae Vitae—Pope Paul VI encyclical on Human Life.  I began to reflect on the unitive and procreative meaning of the conjugal act and how—by using contraceptives (sterilization) was contrary to God’s will.

Continuing my search for more information and answers, I started visiting the Holy Family Catholic Bookstore on a regular basis.  The owner, Wes, and his wife, Anne, got to know me very well.  One day in 1999, they asked me if I was interested in working at the store.  I enthusiastically accepted the offer! ( It was through their store that I was also being led to the truth.)At that time, I was also working part-time as a nurse in town.

Slowly, gently, and lovingly, God was leading me to the truth about the church’s teaching on birth control so that I could fully understand His plan for our marriage and the precious gift of our fertility.

At work one day at the Holy Store, a woman brought in some old spiritual books she had already read.  I told her I would give them to my patients to read.  On the top of the pile was a book about Fr. Peter Rookey.  He is a healing priest of the International Compassion Ministry.  I had never heard of him.  The picture of his face on the cover of the book was so radiant and joyful that I had to read it.  The book was about his life and how his healing ministry started.  I thought he can surely help me.  I didn’t even know if he was still alive or could be contacted.  I wrote him with my sorrows of what I had done and that I was trying to discern God’s will.  He wrote me back and said that he would pray for me!  He also quoted St. Paul, “rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, and persevere in prayer.”  (Romans 12).  He told me that I must patiently trust that the Lord in his merciful wisdom knows the perfect way and the perfect time to answer all my prayers.  He then concluded his letter with God loves you…He reminded me of God’s love for me and that my present sufferings were from NOT TRUSTING IN GOD.  He encouraged me to say the rosary with a heart filled with love, hope, trust, and forgiveness.  With it, Mary helps us pull ourselves to her Son, and His saving cross. Fr. Rookey gave me hope that God will answer my prayers.

Our friend, Fr. Greg wrote another powerful, profound letter to me around this same time. In his letter, he shared with me these thoughts …“I think motherhood so touches the core of your being that it in some way defines who you are.  A mother is essentially someone who is open to and accepting of life. The tubal ligation denies that reality…” It is within this letter that I was further able to see one of the main reasons I had such incredible sadness and remorse…I had denied my vocation, my role as a mother, by having surgery that prevented God from participating in His procreative work within our marriage.

I continued to pray for God’s guidance, and God continued to lead me.  One day, working at the Holy Store, I found a pamphlet about the One More Soul Apostolate on the “Free Table”.  One More Soul (OMS) is a non-profit apostolate dedicated to spreading the truth about the harmful effects of contraception and the blessings of children.  On the back of the pamphlet were sterilization reversal information and physician referrals.  There was also a phone number of a priest, Fr. Daniel McCaffrey, who would help you to discern if God was calling you to have a reversal from sterilization.  I couldn’t believe it!  I had asked God to lead me and He was!

I couldn’t wait to get home from work to call Fr. McCaffrey.  He answered the phone and was so happy to speak with me.  He encouraged me to look into a reversal.  He told me there were 3 criteria established by the church which exempts a Catholic from a reversal:  1) You have an impossible sort of reversal (mine was reversible), 2) If you have a medical condition which would make surgery risky, and 3) dire poverty.  Age is NOT a consideration unless quite advanced. 

I shared with him how I felt God was calling me to do a reversal, but the cost of the surgery was so expensive.  I was also feeling confused about what to do.  I would get conflicting messages from family and friends, such as “Karie, God forgives you”, or “You already have 5 children,” etc.

Fr. McCaffrey spoke the truth to me.  He clarified that sometimes God is calling a woman to have a reversal and that priests must be careful not to quickly dismiss it.

Fr. McCaffrey provided us with contact information for a few doctors who do reversals for a reasonable fee.  He also gave me the name of a woman who had a reversal.  Her name was Marla.  He told me to call her and to talk with her about how she was feeling since her reversal.

Marla was like an angel from God.  She shared her story with me.  She said she had such peace after her reversal. She had suffered no complications from her reversal surgery and was expecting her third baby since the reversal procedure.  She encouraged me to call the doctors that Fr. McCaffrey had recommended.  She said she would be praying for me, especially for the virtue of fortitude.

During the next couple of years, 2001-2003, Marla and I kept in touch by letters and/or phone calls.

I called a number of the doctors that Fr. McCaffrey had recommended.  The closest one was in Missouri, but his fee was $12,000-$14,000.  We started to try to put money away to save for the surgery, but it was difficult. There was always a more immediate family expense that needed to be paid for.  I was really starting to feel discouraged.  (Marla continued to support me and encourage me not to give up.)  She was having masses said for me and even called the doctor in Missouri to ask him to lower his price for me.

I continued to call Fr. McCaffrey for spiritual direction, but was truly starting to think that my reversal was not what God wanted for me. Despite my confusion, my friend and one of my spiritual advisors, Deacon Dan, always reminded me of God’s love and forgiveness.

My marriage was becoming more stressed as I continued to tell my husband how strongly I felt that God was calling us to do this, but how?  I could not find peace. 

I remember Marla encouraging me to pray for my husband, that he would be just as passionate as I was to have the surgery performed.  We both began to pray for him.  A few weeks later, while we were sitting in our living room, Jeff was writing-up his “things to do” list.  He told me that my surgery was “on the list”.  God had heard our prayers!  

During this time, I was led to the Divine Mercy Devotion.  This devotion reminds us that Jesus is our merciful savior.  All we have to do is Ask for his mercy, Be merciful to others, and Completely TRUST in Him. * Again, Jesus was reminding me of His love for me and that I needed to TRUST in Him.

I continued to pray.  I was praying to all of the saints that they would pray for me.  I was especially praying to St. Monica for perseverance. She had prayed many years for the conversion of her son St. Augustine, and as you know he became a Doctor of the Catholic Church!  I was praying to St. Gerard of Majella, a patron saint for motherhood. I  was saying my rosary and attending Eucharistic Adoration every week for God’s graces. I had my children and husband praying the rosary for the intention that my body would be made whole again for God.  We were storming the gates of Heaven for a MIRACLE…but I was starting to grow weary.  I didn’t know what to pray for any more…or how I should pray.

Despite my feelings of discouragement, I felt God was giving me little signs along the way that told me—hang in there—don’t worry—good things are coming!  For example, one  day at Eucharistic Adoration, I was sitting in the pew feeling sad and discouraged.  I remember looking down and seeing a prayer card of Saint Padre Pio that read, “Pray, Hope and don’t Worry!  Worry is useless.  God is merciful and will hear your prayers.  Prayer is the best weapon we have.  Prayer is the key to God’s heart.”  I just smiled at God’s gentle way of reminding me of His love. Another time, I was working at the Holy Store.  I was dusting off some books when this book about Padre Pio caught my eye.  I picked it up and turned to a chapter about God’s Will.  It read, if God puts a good desire in your heart, He intends to fulfill it.  I clung to those words throughout my journey.

One day, in Feb. 2003, I received a letter from Marla.  She knew a doctor in Oklahoma, Dominic Pedulla, who she thought could help me.  Marla had spoken to him and Dr. Pedulla wanted me to call him.  Dr. Pedulla, a cardiologist, was also the director of the Edith Stein Foundation, an organization involved with women’s reproductive health.  However, at the time, I was feeling so discouraged that I decided NOT to call him at this time.

I was starting to put all of my pro-life books and prayer books away.  I needed some peace from it all.  I said, “God, if you want me to have this surgery then open the doors now.  If not, SHUT them and give me your peace.”

A few days later, I was working at the Holy Store.  Lorri, a co-worker and friend, informed me that Ed, a missionary friend of ours, had left an envelope for me.  I opened it up, and to my disbelief, there was an article about how to pray when feeling discouraged.  It was called “The Swap” and was taken from Medjugore. The article said that when feeling weary in prayer, we should offer our rosary for Blessed Mother’s intentions and ask her to pray for our intentions before the Lord.

I immediately started to pray this way and felt such relief…I wasn’t praying for myself so much anymore—I was praying for Blessed Mother’s intentions.  (I knew she would take care of me.)

A few weeks later, March 4, 2003, Fr. McCaffrey sent me a book called, “Sterilization Reversal-A Generous Act of Love”.  After I received it, I remember only glimpsing at it, and then putting it away.  I had no energy to read it.  But God continued to carry out His plan…

That following Saturday, I was at the book store working.  One of my customers needed help in finding a certain picture of Blessed Mother. As we walked around the store, looking for this picture, he began to tell me why he was looking for this particular picture.  It was the Schoenstatt painting.  His wife had a devotion to Blessed Mother as it was her intercession that led him to have a reversal for his vasectomy.  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing!  I don’t remember how this subject was brought up, but he then told me that he and his family were in a book talking about their reversal and it was called, “Sterilization Reversal-A Generous Act of Love” – the exact same book that I had received from Fr. McCaffrey just a few weeks earlier! Do you see how involved God is in our lives?

When I got home from work, I ran right up to my room.  I pulled-out the book and looked at the cover.  Sure enough, there was a picture of this customer and his family.  I opened up to the chapter talking about him and it was called:  The Biggest Lesson:  How Important It Is to Trust God!

Again, God was reminding me to TRUST in Him!

I immediately called Fr. McCaffrey to share what had just happened and to thank him for the book.  I decided to call Dr. Pedulla in Oklahoma, the next day.

As I was calling Dr. Pedulla, I thought to myself, this will be the last doctor I call.  I remember praying, “God, if this is your will, please, please do something now or SHUT the door and give me peace.  I totally abandon myself to you—I can do no more.”

As I stood in my kitchen in late March of 2003, dialing Dr. Pedulla’s number, I was so tired. A cheerful voice answered the phone and immediately connected me to Dr. Pedulla.  His voice was also cheerful and he said he had been waiting to hear from me.

I briefly explained my situation to him and how I wanted to have a reversal, but could not afford it.  He asked me what I could afford.  My husband and I decided we could afford $6,000.  He said fine!  Let’s do it!! He asked me if I had a spiritual director during this time and I said Fr. McCaffrey.  Fr. McCaffrey was a close friend of his and rented an office down the hall from him!  I couldn’t believe it.

Dr. Pedulla then explained to me that he suspected that tubal ligations cause a number of physical and emotional health problems in women such as depression, PMS, and hysterectomies.  He works to gather medical data to support this theory, and to help women who are suffering from these symptoms.  He works for the Women’s Choice Institute in Oklahoma City, OK, and is the Board Director for the Edith Stein Foundation.  He said he would like me to provide him with my medical records and other tests relating to my health since my tubal ligation.  After the next few months of telephone calls and medical evaluations, he said let’s schedule the surgery.

I couldn’t believe it was finally happening. It didn’t seem real.

A few days before my husband and I were scheduled to leave for Oklahoma, I was visiting with my friends, John and Lorri from Holy Family Catholic Bookstore. Throughout my journey of discernment, they had been praying for me and having masses said for my intentions. John and Lorri continually gave me hope and encouragement. One day, I was telling John that I was starting to feel anxious about the surgery when he told me: “Karie, they are going to wheel you into surgery and they are going to wheel you out. Do you think God will let you die? Who would ever want a reversal then?” In response, we laughed and cried. I knew that God would take care of me.

To avoid unnecessary worry among our family and friends, Jeff & I decided to keep the surgery to ourselves, with the exception of the two couples who were watching our children while we were in Oklahoma.

On August 21, 2003, my husband and I flew down to Oklahoma City to have my long awaited reversal!

Upon arriving at the airport, we rented a pick-up truck and drove to Dr. Pedulla’s office where we met him in-person for the first time. Fr. McCaffrey was also there to greet us. Next, we went to the office of Dr. Reisig - the ob-gyn who was going to perform the surgery. After a medical examination by Dr. Reisig, the three of us sat down for a consultation (what did we expect from the surgery, the risks involved, what the procedure entailed, etc).  After addressing our questions and concerns, we prayed together (never prayed with a physician before) for a successful surgery.

That night in the hotel room after I said my rosary, I prayed quietly to St. Therese the Little Flower. In prayer, I asked her to give me a sign that everything would be ok.

I had the surgery on Friday, August 22, 2003 (The Feast of the Queenship of Mary). My surgery lasted about four hours.  It was done in an Outpatient Surgical Center which made the cost of the surgery less expensive than having it done in the hospital. I had NO complications during or after the surgical procedure. (This was the first time I ever had general anesthesia).

After the surgery, when I awoke, my husband was standing there looking down at me with a bouquet of yellow roses. St. Therese had given me a sign of God’s love. Jeff also told me that after the surgery, before I was conscious, Fr. McCaffrey was praying at my bedside.

That night, since I was the only patient in the recovery area of the surgical center, I had my own private nurse to take care of me. She was my Guardian Angel for the night.

The next day, Saturday, before I was released, we met with Dr. Reisig.  She thought everything went well and could not believe how little scar tissue there was on my fallopian tubes, considering I had been sterilized for 10 years! All I could say was THANK YOU Dr. Reisig, THANK YOU GOD, and THANK YOU Blessed Mother for loving me so much. I had such peace.

We flew back on Sunday, August 24. I continued to heal without problems.

God has shown us He is never outdone in generosity, love, and mercy…

1)      About 6 weeks after my surgery, I was pregnant with our son John.

2)      In January of 2004, - 5 mos. after my surgery - we received a $5,000 check from an anonymous donor through the Edith Stein Foundation to help reimburse the cost of the surgery. *The Edith Stein Foundation financially helps men and women to be able to afford their reversals from the donations they receive.  I fell to my knees as I cried and thanked God!

3)      John Thomas was born July 11, 2004 at 12-1/2 pounds. (John’s name means (“Gracious Gift from God.”) I was 42 years old when John was born.

4)      Our second child after reversal, Mary Catherine was born on January 17, 2007 at 10-1/2 pounds. She was delivered by Dr. James Linn. He is a pro-life, Natural Family Planning physician. I was honored to have him be my doctor. (Mary is a special name.  Mary was named after our Blessed Mother.  My mother and my mother-in-law all share this beautiful name.)  I was 45 years old when Mary was born.

How has our marriage changed on this journey?

God is now present in our marriage and in our marital relationship.  There is holiness in our marriage that was missing before.  The love I feel for my husband is so much deeper, having gone through this journey with his love and support.  Likewise, I feel his love for me in a more profound way as well.

I now have P E A C E before God. My body is now whole again, as it is restored back to how the Lord intended and created me to be. I also feel more cherished as a wife, and embrace my vocation as a mother in a way that I had not done before.

We can’t imagine our family without John and Mary. John is so kind and loving.  He has a special fondness and attachment to his dad.  John always wants to be with Jeff, no matter how short or mundane the errand or task is. John reminds me to say my prayers.  And  Mary loves her “Johnny”. When I ask her where she came from she says, “Jesus sent me to you!”

There is an 11 year gap between our older 5 children and our younger 2 children.  When Jeff & I told our older children that I was going to have the reversal surgery, their initial reactions were mixed:

-          concerned about their mother having surgery

-          possibly having more brothers or sisters.

-          what if something went wrong during surgery, was mom & dad too old to have young children, will the age gap between older and younger children result in not getting to know each other?

But these fears and concerns seemed to evaporate from the moment John was born.  Over the last 6 years, our older children have become even better people, EX, more loving, caring, more responsible, and less selfish.  In return, John looks-up to his big brothers – he is great for their egos.  Mary’s big sisters love to dote on her & she loves to include them in her beauty and kitchen play.

Each of our children is a blessing and a gift from God. We are so grateful to God for them. Each one of them contributes to our family and the world in a unique, unrepeatable way. The Lord teaches us how to be good parents through them, and we do our best to teach them God’s ways through the wisdom of the Holy Spirit.

One of the biggest lessons we have learned on our journey is to TRUST in GOD.  He has shown us, and continues to show us--in countless ways, that He knows what will make us happy and what will draw us closer to Him.

I thank God everyday for re-opening my heart to the gift of my fertility, for giving me the grace to recognize my sin, to seek His forgiveness and mercy, and the ability to do something about it.

In the Bible, spouses are called to love each other deeply, as Christ loves the church.  The Bible teaches us to be fruitful and multiply (Gn 1:26-28) and that children are blessings from God (Ps 127 & 128).  God loves human life. When spouses use contraceptives or sterilization in their marital act, they withhold their fertility from each other.  Fertility is a GIFT, not a disease.  God has given spouses the incredible privilege of the means to bring new souls into the world. If we are to remain faithful to our marriage vows, we need to welcome the Holy Spirit in the procreative act.

Natural family planning is the only church-approved means of planning your family. It opposes the “big lie” of contraception. When we use contraceptives or sterilization in our marriages, we are denying ourselves and the world the blessings of children.  Children ARE the SUPREME GIFT of Marriage!

I truly believe if more couples were presented with the beauty and wisdom of this teaching, they would be more willing to accept it and embrace it! God can do all things, even the impossible (Luke Ch. 1:37).  All we need to do is give Him a chance and open the door by an act of faith.

What Is More Glorious

“The most important person on earth is a mother. She cannot claim the honor of having built Notre Dame Cathedral.  She need not. She has built something more magnificent than any cathedral—a dwelling for an immortal soul, the tiny perfection of her baby’s body. “The angels have not been blessed with such a grace.  They cannot share in God’s creative miracle to bring new saints to heaven. Only a human mother can. Mothers are closer to God the Creator than any other creature.  God joins forces with mothers in performing this act of creation… “What on God’s good earth is more glorious than this: to be a mother?”

--Joseph Cardinal Mindszenty