1. Did you always want to have a large family?
We started out wanting a large family. After 2-3 kids, we decided we'd better rethink this. Then I learned about church teaching, and we wanted more and more kids. I came from 6 kids and he came from 2.We now have nine kids
2.What do you say to people who say they can’t afford to have more kids, or to have any at all?
Every time we have been open to children, God has just taken such good care of us. For example, we haven’t had any medical problems with the kids. If you have a little bit of faith, everything works out in the big plan.
3. How were you able to manage with so many children?
Yesterday at grocery store I had 4 with me. My car was full and I had the empty cart behind me. Someone came up and said, "You look like you have your hands full. I only have two kids and I don’t see how you do it." They are great kids, and they really behave so nicely in the store. But I did say to the person, "You know, I do have my hands full - would you mind helping me?" It's not that easy all the time.
The first 5 are boys: ages 15, 13, 12, 9, and 7. The girls are 5 and 3 and then 2.5, and finally 4 months. So, planning is essential. The planning and the task sharing is important.
My obligations draw me out of the home. Church events, for example. The children are sensitive to the calendar. Each child is assigned a task while I am away. My two-year old can straighten the sheet of his bed. If you raise the bar, they will rise to the occasion. If you expect a lot they will do a lot. My husband used to fly in the Navy so there was always a great opportunity for him to be in harm's way. We always wanted to make sure our children conquered their faults just in case they had to go live with a relative.
4.Today’s cultural attitudes about parenting seem to suggest that good parenting means providing many material things for your children. Do kids need a lot of material things in order to be happy in their family and to grow up as well-adjusted adults?
The toys they get at Christmas are on the ground within a week or two and they would much rather have the human personal contact than the inanimate toy that they will lose at someone’s house. They would much rather be with their buddies than in a room alone with a video game. The novelty of a toy wears off. The novelty of having a sibling just doesn’t go away.
5. What recommendations would you give for family prayer?
We go to daily mass at 7:05 AM. The tenth grader goes to a different mass - at a private catholic school. We try to do the Rosary a couple of nights a week. The little ones are doing puzzles, but we do a decade of the Rosary in the car and the Angelus every day at noon. We stop during the day to think about God.
6. How do you compare the relationship you have with your husband now, after many children, with the relationship you had when you were first married?
It's much deeper. I always tell my mother- in-law...the things that you fall in love for are not the things that keep you together...
7. Many moms I know (and fathers, too) have expressed both marvel and despair when they are faced with the challenge of having three young children at home. Why is this number the point at which parents seem to decide about putting an end to or continuing to have children?
If you can work through the first child, that's a big thing. When you get a new baby, you go through a lot of doubt and fear. It is normal but once that settles, life is different, but better. Change is the thing to get used to. We want control of our lives but stability is not always going to happen. Kids are an adventure. It's fun, and it's heartbreaking, but it's great if you can put your vanity away for a second and become flexible. It's organized chaos.
8. What is the hardest part of raising a child? Is it getting up at three in the morning to feed them or is it watching them survive the coming of age, which can be at times painful and awkward for them? And does having more than one infant or teenager make it more difficult?
You can break it into two areas. It is physically demanding when they are young- physically it's terribly exhausting when they are younger. You get help. Kids cry, and that's normal, they need to be fed, dry comfortable. Teenagers are exhilarating and exhausting.
9. Another idea that society seems to suggest to parents today is that if they have many children, they will not be able to love all of them with the same depth that they could if they had a small family. What would you say to this?
I remember being pregnant with my second child, grieving that the second child was going to ruin it for the first child. The truth is, you run the risk of smothering him - the first child- to death. You can't be on top of them. You have to step back and watch them from afar and just protect them. But you love all of them equally.
10. Do you have a top 5 list of things to do or to avoid for moms with large families?
Don’t do any sleepovers, that is, don’t let your children sleepover someone else's house. They can stay up till 11PM- but we suffer even for that. We tell them, "If the party ends at midnight, I’ll come and get you, but you can't spend all night."
Along the same lines, try to have something planned here for bigger holidays - so we don’t have to say no all the time. Stay ahead of the game - invite their friends over instead.
Try to teach the kids charity. If you want to tell a story about someone you can use their names only if they are a family member. Discretion is key in charity.