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In the Depths of My Soul

I had an abortion because I lied about not taking my birth control pills and got pregnant.  I wanted to have our child but my husband did not.  We fought for weeks and I talked myself into thinking that it was okay even though I knew in the depths of my soul it wasn't.  We went to several different clinics.
During the abortion I asked the doctor to put me to sleep, I couldn't handle what I was doing.  That should have been a red flag.

Immediately after the abortion I felt relieved at first.  I thought I could bury the pain.  I went right back into my everyday life and acted like nothing had happened. 

As time went on after the abortion I felt and experienced complete sadness and emptiness.  I cried on my way home from work almost every night.  My action took its toll on me and our marriage.  I became very distant and emotionally unavailable.  I was extremely angry at myself and I took that anger out on my husband and myself.

I found help and forgiveness through a Rachel's Vineyard retreat, praying outside an abortion clinic and helping out at Life Choices in Metuchen.  I would like to become a counselor but would need some training.


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