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I am jealous of pregnant women

I was having marital problems. I confessed my unfaithfulness to my husband. I became pregnant. There was a question of who the father was. My husband said he would not love another man’s baby. I felt to save my marriage, to prove my love, I had an abortion.

I was numb emotionally. I cried the whole time. My husband sat in the car with our two children the whole time. I felt physical pain during the procedure. I just cried because of what I did and the price I was paying for what I did.

I hated myself. I sinned the unforgivable sin. I knew that I was going to hell when I died. I couldn’t believe my husband would allow the abortion and I felt I deserved any pain and punishment that I felt. My husband got a vasectomy. He told me there would be no question anymore. To retaliate I got a tubal ligation.  I became very irresponsible. My life went down ever since.

It has been 12 years since my abortion. I never did anything positive to deal with it until now. I had a nervous breakdown. I was in the hospital for two weeks, when a counselor suggested the P.A.T.H. program. I could hardly wait for the chance to begin.

I realized I didn’t know myself and what I was capable of doing. I felt unworthy as a human being to experience any kind of or joy or happiness.  I am jealous of pregnant women. I am just learning how my abortion has affected my life.

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