Five years from hell

How did you come to have the abortion and who was involved?

I was 21 years old and in a crisis situation. My twin sister had just passed away (3) months early in the year of 1991 and I come up pregnant. I come from a very strict religious background and a very well known family. How could I embarrass my family with this situation and knowing that they are still reeling from my sister's death? I panicked.

I got enough strength to tell my youngest brother about my pregnancy and he told me that he would take care of it.

A little background on the family: My father is a doctor and knows a lot of people in my town and so my brother had to make my appointment in Atlanta in the event that my father would not find out.

The father of my child was young and had no money and had agreed that we need to abort because of my situation and that we were not ready for a family. "How much more selfish could we have been."

My brother and I got the money together and went to Atlanta on a Thursday. We came to the building where I was to have my abortion and was quite surprised to see that it was in a strip mall with other businesses surrounding it and no one seem to care, (like this was an everyday thing that happened). There were a lot of cars parked out in the front so we had to park further out in the parking lot. I felt like I was going to a grocery store.

Do you believe you were adequately informed about the nature of abortion risks and alternatives?

No to all questions. Now that I have gone through the AAA Women's Pace Program., I did not realize how dangerous having my abortion was. Not once, while being prepped for my abortion was I ever told just how dangerous it was. I remember a nurse coming into my room and telling me that this would be over in about 10 mins. and that everything would be ok.

I remember asking the nurse, "if there were any possibilities of anything that could go wrong" .... She assured me that this was a "walk in the park". She told me, "not to worry so much" ....

I remember that the only thing the doctor told me was (after I had been prepped for my abortion and the nurse was in the room already) "not to move at all for any reason"...

The doctor never talked with me personally until he was in the room getting ready for my abortion.

Not once was I ever told just how dangerous this procedure really was. I now know that doctors in hospitals take better care informing their patients (after they have experienced a miscarriage and had to have a D&C) about the risks and gave them a list of things that could go wrong and what to look for in the way of symptoms for the next two weeks.

I am so angry that these people were allowed to take my money and not tell me the "truth" about what I was about to do. Not once was I ever told about alternatives (Adoption, AAA Women Services, etc.) I thought that this was my only choice. Maybe, if someone would have told me that what I was about to do and by making this choice would effect me the rest of my life, I would have probably not had my abortion. I felt that there was nothing for me to do, but to have an abortion and not be told about my risks that could have happened to me. That's dangerous!!! Not to mention, immediately after my abortion my doctor told me that if I wanted to come back in two weeks for a check up that it was included in my price, but it wasn't necessary since I had come so far away.

How would you describe your abortion(s)?

The most devastating thing that has very happened to me other than losing my twin sister. Both happened four months apart.

The whole thing about my abortion was disgusting. Everything that happened or was said was just a big fat lie. Not only was the saying, "it will be over in a few minutes and you'll have your life back" was incorrect, but the saying "it will be over and it won't hurt you" was truly the last straw because all the people involved at the clinic conveniently forgot to tell me about the emotional toll it would have on me in the years to come.

How did your abortion(s) affect you and others?

After my abortion, I fell into the typical post-aborted syndrome for over 5 years before I realized that there was help for me. During these 5 years from hell, I choose to stay with the father of our child and eventually married him while pretended that none of this had really happened. (I was too busy trying to mourn my twin and fighting with the husband.)

So the answer to your question how did it affect me and others. It affected my whole being and almost cost me my marriage because I did not realize how bad this abortion experience had really affected me. - Not until a lot later did I realize to what magnitude of damage I had really done to myself, Jesus Christ and our relationship.

Please describe what you have done to deal with your abortion, and whether it helped.

I have gone through a lot of marriage counseling thinking that I was the problem in our marriage. Come to find out that through months and months of counseling that my abortion experience was the thing in my life that was causing the turmoil in our marriage and from my experience of the abortion I was letting it build up and taking it out on my husband in a very bad way. Not to mention, how much substantial financial monies that were paid out due to the fact that this abortion "wasn't a big deal" ....

Three years ago, I finally broke down and went to AAA Women Services to talk with a counselor and with the unrelenting nudging of my husband, suggested that I take the Pace Program (Post-Aborted Class and Education) class.

I took the class and it lasted 14 weeks. After the class and the experiences that I was faced with and had to deal with while in this class, I can finally say without any doubt, "I have been truly been forgiving by Jesus Christ, my child and husband and I have now been Set-Free". .

I am currently working as a Co-leader in the Pace Program and my next class will be me as the Leader. I can truly say today that the Lord was watching over me during my rebellious time of my life and he never left me because I was the one that left him.

I am living proof of God's love and mercy. Also, without AAA Women's Service here showing me the way back to the Lord and helping me with my abortion experience no telling where I would have been today. AAA Women's Services has a ministry so powerful that lives are being changed for God everyday and helping women fight back to regain control of their lives and their emotional well-being while doing so in the presence of God.